Humorous quotes, funny humorous jokes

Funny and humorous quotes (1 – 10)

1. Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

2. I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

   

3. When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter.

4. Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

    --Sue Murphy

5. I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'

    -Bruce Baum

6. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.

    - Ellen DeGeners.

7. The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

    - Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

8. Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

    - Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)

9. I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

10. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

    - Albert Einstein (1879-1955)