Funny quotes and sayings, funny quotes

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

2. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

3. Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

4. I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

5. Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

6. Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

7. Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

8. A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

9. All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

10. Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?